i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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