I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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