Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
