I didn't shave. On purpose
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
