What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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