Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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