But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
