i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
