Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
