She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize