Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize