If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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