you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
