Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize