My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
