Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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