you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
