pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
