Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
