Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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