look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
