I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can I color on your dick again?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
