Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize