Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
