We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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