Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
