who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
