i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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