I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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