4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize