why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do herpes really smell.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
