I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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