I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
