I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
