You really coming over, don't trick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
