first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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