i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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