Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
