i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
