Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
