She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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