Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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