he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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