I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
