I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
