i think my mom watched the whole time
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize