We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
