The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
