Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
