it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
