I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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