How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
