chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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