I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
