just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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