btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
