i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
