I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
