If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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