the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
