the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
