Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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