there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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