You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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