Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
