Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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